February 2012
20 posts
This whole being 21 and afraid of commitment is not working out for me anymore. The thought of it shouldn’t bother me anymore. I need to change.
Straight. No chaser.
I hate being confused and shit. Say what’s real. I’ll accept it for what it is.
I have no respect for cloudy boundaries.
“Fuck arguing and harboring feelings, I rather be by my fucking self.”
– Kanye. Blame Game.
“I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of...”
– Pablo Neruda - XVII (I do not love you…)
Fav. Love poem.
I'm use to be really impulsive.
Just lived in the moment. Which is why I have no regrets, because I pretty much did and said everything I wanted to when I wanted to.
I’ve changed. I’m much too careful now. I worry too much about things and people who don’t worry about me. I miss that part of me that was just wild and impulsive.
He's not really into social sites.
But if he ever so happened to stumble across this post on some miracle type shit he would know that it was about him.
And I miss him. I miss him.
I'm always close to crying
but they never come and I’m left wondering why when I didn’t even put up a fight to stop them. You can even say I welcomed them because every once and a while we all deserve that feeling of your soul being cleansed after a good bawl. Shut my eyes tight. Squeeze. Squeeze. I’ll force it out. Still nothing.
Big long sigh.
I guess now is not the time to cry over the future that...
I do believe it’s about that time to do a little spring cleaning.
Actually it been time.
I’m running behind.
Stuff I don't usually publicize.
So far I’ve applied to four internships. Six more to go. I need more though. I always get so discouraged with these things. Out of all the internships/summer programs I’ve applied to in my college career, I never get accepted into the one I really want. I have a meeting with my mentor tomorrow and I hope she has good news. And then the waiting process and soooo nerve racking. I just...
January 2012
27 posts
Finding the beautiful is harder than losing it.
Obtain and maintain. Such complex concepts.
The amount of fucks I gave today is a complete disgrace. But I now know that I am capable of caring. I might just be a decent human being after all.
The fuck am I saying though?
I give a fuck 95% of the time.
And it blows me.
I’m such a terrible student. I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it along this far. Only thing keeping me going is this vision I have of myself in the future. And school is just another step towards it. I see myself looking back and saying “damn, I was a terrible student”. Lol. But this vision is so vibrant. It has literally stopped me from dropping out plenty of...
Glowing.
Seems like the whole world thinks I’m glowing today. I got home at 4:30 this morning and only had about 4 hours of sleep before I had to wake up. And I had a slight hangover. But I felt good. Without a reason. And it’s seeping through my skin and shinning for others to see. Without a reason. And it’s been this way for a minute. And I don’t know if the gray will ever come...
“The only time you look in your neighbor’s bowl is to see if they have enough....”
– Louie C.K. (via aotanota)
“All I know, I know on myself. And I ain’t telling.”
– The old folks.
battles. feelings v. knowing
Feeling like I don’t need anybody, knowing I do.
Emotional stability?
What’s that? Keep that shit away from me. Sounds dreadful.
The List
I need some organic coconut oil and some new finger nail polishes and some new sweaters and some black boots and more leggings ( I like leggings and?) and some jeans and rebel lipstick from mac and goddess braids and a new computer and my car detailed and an apartment. Sigh. Oh yea and more money. I need that too. They may just look like things I want but what I want is what I need 100% of the...
Me v. Me
.habits like pushing people away that I sometimes want to stay, I can’t seem to break it. They’ve all tried to depict it but none could get with it, just don’t understand that I was born to be comfortable in alone(ness). Not tormented. Comfortable. And most of the time I’m trying to find the answer to if that’s a good or bad thing.
Thoughts during the drought.
Sometimes I think women feel like we have to choose between liking the pleasures of sex or being intelligent. People get offended when your comfortable with your sexuality and your brain also functions. I think it scares them.
It's nothing really.
But that I feel like I’m always waiting. And I don’t feel like waiting anymore.
I've been attracting a lot of damaged and hurt...
And this is my word of advice. After much trial and error I’ve concluded that…
Whoever ain’t for you wish them luck, forgive them and keep it moving. No hard feelings. Just realize it wasn’t a mutual respect
Period
The drought. Both would be great.
Consistent dick or consistent affection/attention.
Pick one.
ledasoul:
Have you ever thought something was exactly what you wanted? Have you ever known that it would just make you feel twelve kinds of lovely and whatnot? Did you ever get that thing and end up disgusted (by it/him) and disappointed with yourself for wanting it so much in the first place? You haven’t? Oh. OK.
I love waking up in the morning and feeling really quiet. When I’m not thinking about the future, school, my job, some guy that name alters depending on the morning, or how I’m going to break it to my parents on how I’m in my third year and want to change my major…again lol for those few minutes.
Everything around me and in me is still and at that moment I feel so at...
That shit turns me on.
Words arouse me. Letters and sentences and the alphabet.
Have you ever just seen a really beautiful sentence?
I’m a bit of a creep. And that’s so fine.
You deserve love without frustration.
We all do.
All things considered, it feels nice to say we still got it. That despite disappointments we hold on to that string of hope and keep pushing because we choose to. We could’ve chosen to give up when the going got tough. When friends turned to strangers and love revealed to us that it wasn’t on our side quite yet. It would have been easier. But we didn’t. We prayed. And fasted and...
December 2011
16 posts
I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF WRITING THINGS DOWN.
Monologues of an Introvert: On success →
thesoulonpaper:
I do not want to be rich.
I want to have enough to live a comfortable life, but not so much that I don’t have something to work towards so that I do not become lazy and complacent.
I want to be able to make my parents’ dreams come true, and take care of my little brother along with my extended…
reasons why I love Mia